Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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