new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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