Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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