dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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