i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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