i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
