yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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