I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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