the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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