Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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