hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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