Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
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Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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