He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize