Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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