i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
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My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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