So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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