Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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