I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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