Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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