I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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