Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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