Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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