Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize