You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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