Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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