apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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