You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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