Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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