SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize