You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wear drunk well.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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