i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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