My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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