i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
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Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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