Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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