Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
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I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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