My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
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Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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