hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
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AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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