Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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