what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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