Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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