The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize