The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize