She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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