A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
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