Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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