I didn't shave. On purpose
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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