im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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