I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
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If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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