my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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