College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
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definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
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The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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